Back in February, Dr. Donna Marino and I hosted a LinkedIn Live conversation about the how myths, personal beliefs, and emotions play a significant role in family succession planning.
That conversation became the inspiration for an article we co-authored for Family Business Magazine in which we talk about the need for frequent, candid conversations and the important role trusted advisors play in helping families navigate the complex and often complicated landscape where family relationships and business continuity collide.
My personal experience with family business succession planning is one of unspoken expectations, avoidance, and a distinct lack of planning. Despite having years during a long illness to talk with me and my siblings, as well as his own brothers, about the current state of the business and what might happen when he was gone, my dad stayed silent on the matter. It wasn't until he died that we found out he left the business to one of his brothers and that my uncle was only willing to accept the bequest if we (his nieces and nephews) used my dad's life insurance to pay off the debt.
What followed was months of conversations about "this is what your father would have wanted" and coming to terms with how my uncle's feelings of entitlement and being 'owed' something collided with the reality that my dad's business was not financially viable and the things my uncle had done to help my dad 'run' the business during his illness prolonged the inevitable need to cease operations.
In hindsight, one might say that my siblings and I could've started the conversations my father wanted to avoid. I even thought that myself - that I had failed to push the issue and force the conversation. Realistically though, as I approached my 40th birthday I was still my dad's child. I knew he would shut down and shut me out if I brought up things he didn't want to talk about or deal with. I knew I couldn't force him to do anything. And I didn't want to fight with him. He wanted to avoid the reality of his illness, his mortality, and a failing business, as well as the emotions and expectations of his children and siblings, so we didn't talk about it. Frankly, no matter how many times I rehearsed my opening line and talking points, when the time came I could never bring myself to address the situation directly.
That saddens me because it meant he dealt with a lot of financial worry by himself when he didn't need to, and he left a lot for us to deal with in his absence. It also saddens me because I know our family's experience is more of the rule than the exception. But it doesn't have to be that way.
"One of the things we often miss in succession planning is that it should be gradual and thoughtful with lots of sharing of information and knowledge and perspective, so it's almost a non-event when it happens." Anne M. Mulcahy, Family Enterprise Foundation
To be clear, I didn't know how to start these conversations with my family and we didn't have someone like me or Donna Marino to help us figure it out. When it's you and your family, old habits, communication patterns, and decades of relationship baggage make it hard to do this work alone. In fact, it may be an unreasonable expectation. I know first-hand that it's not enough to know what you should do. You need someone who has the experience and emotional distance to initiate and facilitate some of the hardest conversations you may ever have.
With that in mind, I suggest the following for those who want to become more intentional about their relationship to their family business, explore what a 'good' transition might look like, and engage an advisor to help you talk about tough topics and make important decisions.
If you're the business owner:
If your the family member:
For more information about how Purpose First Advisors can help you and your family plan for the future, visit our strategic business advisors page or schedule a free consultation.
